How Far I'll Boldly Go
by Laura Schiller
Summary: Kes is torn between staying with her loved ones and leaving to explore her powers. Chakotay advises her with the help of an ancient legend.


How Far I'll Boldly Go

By Laura Schiller

Based on: _Star Trek: Voyager/Moana_

Copyright: Paramount/Disney

"I am Moana of Motonui. This is _my_ canoe, and you _will_ help me restore the heart of Te Fiti!"

Kes hoped she had said it right. The lines of the holoprogram's script scrolled at her eye level in white letters, difficult to see in the bright sunlight glinting off Earth's Pacific Ocean.

The demigod Maui (otherwise known as Commander Chakotay) leaned serenely against the mast of the little sailboat and smirked.

"What makes you think I'd risk my life fighting monsters, give up the most powerful artifact in the known universe, and humble myself to a pile of rock, just for a bunch of mortals?"

"Because, um … " She waited for the next line to appear, but unlike a theatre play, holonovels only gave you a few cues and left you to improvise the rest.

"Because it's the right thing to do. My island is dying, and my people will die too if we don't help."

"Not my problem. Goodbye, and have a nice swim."

 _[Hold your breath],_ read the script.

The big man picked Kes up by the waist (quite respectfully, all things considered) and tossed her into the ocean.

The cold water was a delightful shock, and even more so when it carried her right back to the boat and set her on her feet. Shaking the drops out of her curly hair, she tried her best to turn her exhilarated smile into a glare.

"That's not going to work," she said. "The ocean is a friend of mine."

"Seriously?" Maui raised his eyes to the sky, "A child like you? Couldn't it have chosen someone with a little more experience?"

That stung, and she almost answered in her own voice, before catching herself just in time.

"I'm three and a – I'm old enough to know what I'm doing. You may have a longer lifespan, but you're clearly wasting it."

"I'm not listening to you." Maui folded his arms and turned his broad back on her, showing a landscape of tattoos. "You should be at home in your little village, harvesting coconuts and looking for a husband."

In spite of herself, Kes remembered the Ocampa compound, the Caretaker's bland food rations, the endless round of films, music, worship and small talk, the closed-mindedness and the boredom. Then she thought of her home on _Voyager_ , her beloved plants in the airponics bay, Neelix's jokes and Tuvok's dignity, flying lessons with Tom and duty shifts in sickbay with the Doctor. She loved them all, but not unlike her first home, _Voyager_ was beginning to feel restrictive.

Her mind powers were growing. She was terrified she'd hurt someone again, like that time she'd given Tuvok third-degree burns while trying to control a candle flame. But at the same time, she longed to feel that rush of power again. What if the only way to truly come into her powers was to leave?

On the other hand …

"What if I leave and can't come back? What if … what if home isn't where I left it?"

Chakotay turned around, and his eyes under his spiral tattoo were very kind.

"I see," he said, all traces of divine arrogance gone. "Yes, that does happen. My home isn't where I left it, either."

She couldn't tell if he was still speaking as Maui, or as himself. She knew about Dorvan, how the Cardassians had killed his parents and destroyed his hometown. Either way, the quiet, matter-of-fact words pulled at her heart.

"How do you survive that?" she asked.

"You find a new home." He pulled on a rope, adjusting the angle of the sail, as confidently and easily as he would key in a course correction on Voyager's bridge. "I'm not saying it's easy. It's difficult and very lonely, but it can be done. Look there."

He pointed toward the horizon, where the bright blue sky and the darker ocean seemed to merge into one.

"There's always something new to discover beyond that line," he said. "It's what we explorers live for. Fascinating, isn't it?"

She tipped her face up and spread her arms, letting the sunlight warm her. She would never forget her first sight of her homeworld's sun, crawling up through a tunnel disused for centuries, brushing dirt off her dress, squeezing her eyes shut to avoid being blinded by the magnificent light. The Kazon had caught her seconds later, but she still maintained it had been worth it.

A sudden _whizz-thump_ jolted her out of her thoughts. She squeaked. An arrow had flown past her and embedded itself in the mast.

"What's happening?"

"Kakamora," said Maui, as the script announced the beginning of a new scene and instructed them on how to win the fight.

Kes giggled at the sight of the armada of tiny, living coconuts heading for them on an intercept course. Even snarling and brandishing spears, they were downright adorable.

"I know," said Chakotay. "It's a children's program. Let's save this scene for another time, shall we? You have a double shift tomorrow."

"All right. Computer, end program and save."

As always, it was something of a letdown to watch the gorgeous turquoise seascape fade back into the holodeck. Chakotay picked up the shirt he'd slung over the console and put it back on, buttoning it up all the way to hide the goosebumps on his chest and belly as the temperature dropped.

Kes pulled a shawl over her sarong. The water she'd been soaked in was gone now, being holographic, but she still felt in need of a fluffy towel and some of Neelix's spicy cider.

"You're a good actor, Commander," she teased. "I had no idea you could be so obnoxious."

"Thanks." Chakotay smiled ruefully. "Although my old shipmates would argue that it doesn't take much acting."

"How did you find this story, anyway? Is it one of your people's?"

"In a manner of speaking. My people came from a different region of Earth, but on Dorvan, a lot of different cultures blended together."

He let her step through the doors ahead of him, and they made their weary, contented way along the corridor.

"This was really nice," said Kes, in a more serious tone. "Thank you."

"And did it help you with your decision?"

"Yes, it did."

She looked around at the gray walls and carpeting, dull but familiar, that had seen her grow from youth to near middle-age.

Her Elogium was approaching. She wanted children, but she couldn't imagine raising them while her powers were so unstable. If she wanted to learn her limits, the only way was to push them as far as possible. And that could not happen on a small, enclosed ship filled with people she loved.

"I am leaving," she said. "Not right now, but soon. I'll know when the time is right."

"And we'll always keep a light on for you. Just in case."

He dismissed her with a fatherly pat on the back, making her smile even in the middle of her somber thoughts.


End file.
